A Light shining in the Darkness

There are things in this world I wouldn’t wish on any man. Having your bladder inspected by a flexible cystoscope while wide awake is one of them.

Yes, I know this world is a place of suffering. At least, I know it theoretically. But theory turned to practice last week when I went to have my bladder examined. With a light. And a camera. On the end of a flexible tube.

The body is a wonderful machine designed by God. It has nine holes, none of which, I can assure you, were really designed to accomodate a camera. Flexible or otherwise.

During the procedure, which lasted an excruciating twenty-three years, seven months, six weeks, nine days and countless hours, I came to the conclusion that in some distant previous life I had to have been an active member of the Spanish Inquisition; someone who zealously tortured others to assess their fidelity to the Holy Catholic Church. And now, in this life, I was being made to suffer the consequences of my actions. Otherwise why on earth would I be laid out on my back with people causing me pain?

A strange, yet welcome distraction was watching the inside of my body in glorious colour on a television screen. You watch it – and feel the pain at the same time. Its a slasher horror movie, and the blood is all yours.

But I’m not really complaining. It’s all to check for a return of cancer and so its a form of tapasya: voluntary acceptance of pain now for slightly less pain later on. That’s the idea. Some biopsies were taken and I will get the results in another two weeks.

So my dear readers, please chant Hare Krishna and remember: You are not your body, but you do have a body – so take care of it.



Filed under Cancer, Journal

6 responses to “A Light shining in the Darkness

  1. Dear Kripa.
    Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
    I cracked up reading your thing on the the scans you had done. It was funny, till I realized the reason you had it done, so I hope there was no problem.
    I like your blogs they’re interesting. That was the funniest though. Can you do a few more amusing ones, without the pain of course.
    Your servant,

  2. Pancha Tattva dasa

    Dear Kripamoya Prabhu,

    Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

    Boy, can I sympathize. I’ve undergone the same procedure. And the same excruciating pain.

    I had kidney stones, misdiagnosed as “chronic prostatitis.” I suffered that way for over a year. And of course they wanted to look in the bladder for cancer since there was some blood. Hence, the cystoscopy.

    Seems there were a lot of us employed in torture of heretics during the Inquisition. Someday we should catch up on the good old days. And figure out how our victims became doctors.

    Your servant,

    Pancha Tattva dasa

  3. Sita

    Pranams Guruji, I wish we had words to help reduce others’ pain.
    I hope and pray that the report comes out alright. At least you have managed to reduce the matter on your paapa side by facing such an ordeal.
    Hari Om

  4. Fortunately, and for the time being, it appears that I am cancer-free. The tests proved negative, and negative is good: no cancerous tissue. Thanks to all readers for your good wishes.

  5. What wonderful news prabhuji

  6. dusyanta dasa

    Hare Krishna On boxing day i had a heart attack.Now this is real pain.The procedure for looking inside the heart whilst injecting a dye is called angiogram.This is the wierdest of feelings.On the 5th January i went to sugery for a triple by pass.With scars on my chest and legs,to obtain new veins for the bypass,this is simultaneously painful and traumatic.
    Ive got the scars to prove it by have no memory of the experience.The trauma is so deep into the psyche that it lives on.The effect has been for me deep crying without any apparent reason.When i came out of the Hospital in Swansea to the “real” world i cried and so it went on.
    In Hospital you dont sleep ,especially in a Cardiac ward.Its busy 24/7.So when i got home i didnt want to sleep again.The Hypertensions slowly subsided and sleep was good.
    Now in the stages of rehabilitation physically,emotionally and mentally i have time to properly study Srila Prabhupadas Books.Its not the best route to take to make time to read but it has worked.
    During anaesthetic i only experienced shiny blackness,feeling lonely and cold,no Krishna at all,it was a room i fell into that was black and cold and lonely,the trauma of this is so deep.
    My buzz words became im still here,im still alive so lets get on with life.Rehabilitation ki jai.
    I had catheters in my heart,in my bladder,two permanent intraveinous inserts for medicine,three drains going directly into my lungs,which had to be removed in full consciousness,and two wires on to my heart,which had to be pulled off after three days.It was like having you lungs pulled out and feeling your heart attached to wires as they pulled them off was the most wierd feeling.
    Pulling the catheter from my bladder was sore and taking all the inserts from my wrists and neck was a big relief.All glories to the Nurses,Doctors and Surgeons and Physiotherepists.
    No gain without pain.Glad to still be here and i love gardening more than ever.Hare Krishna.
    Dusyanta dasa.

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